On career and success:
* A bad day of fishing beats a good day of working.
* A bad day of golf beats a good day of working.
* A boss is like a diaper. Always on your ass and constantly full of crap.
* A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
* Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
* All I need is some peace and quiet. If I got a piece I’d be quiet!
* All stressed out and no one to choke.
* Always put the important before the merely urgent.
* Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
* Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
* An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
* An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
* Another Deadline, Another Miracle!
* Behind every successful woman is herself.
* Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.
* Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
* Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
* Even Jesus lived with his mother until he was 30.
* Everyone is entitled to my opinion
* Everyone makes mistakes, that why pencil have erasers
* Everything I know, I learnt by killing smart people and eating their brains.
* Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
* Hire teenagers while they still know everything!
* Honesty pays, but not enough
* Housework is evil, it must be stopped.
* I’ll do anything for money, except work.
* I fight poverty, I work
* I have a drink problem – I can’t afford it.
* I have yet to hear a MAN ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career.
* I love my boss, I love my job, I’m self employed
* I owe it all to my boss – Ulcers, nausea, paranoia…
* I respect your opinion. Just don’t want to hear it!
* I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.
* If all else fails .. lower your standards
* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
* If at first you don’t succeed, aim lower.
* If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you
* If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?
* If first you don’t succeed, suck and suck until you do succeed.
* If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
* It’s an Honor to teach my Student at home
* It’s hard to stumble when you’re on your knees.
* It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere!
* It never fails! You start having fun, and they send in the lawyers.
* Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
* Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
* Money isn’t everything. It simply isn’t enough!
* MONEY TALKS! But all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
* Money wouldn’t be so important if everybody didn’t want some
* My daughter turned down your honour student!
* My job drives me to drink. If it wasn’t for that, I’D QUIT!
* My job is secure. No one else wants it.
* My Job is to Comfort the Disturbed & Disturb the Comfortable
* My parents think I’m in college
* Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
* Plunder globally. Manage media locally.
* Professionals are predictable. Amateurs are Dangerous!
* Question Authority before it Questions You!
* Rest assured that all your hard work and effort will go unnoticed.
* Sado-masochism means not having to say you’re sorry.
* Some days it’s just not worth gnawing through the straps
* Summa cum laude graduate, Darth Vader School of Personnel Management
* Support a lawyer. Become a doctor.
* Support bacteria! It’s the only culture some people have.
* The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
* The urge to scream tells me I must be at work
* Well behaved women rarely make history.
* When all else fails, manipulate the data!
* Where there’s a whip, there’s a way.
* Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
* Work is for people who don’t know how to golf.
* Work is for people who don’t surf the net!
* Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
* You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
On Government & Politics:
* A politician should do two terms – one in office and one in jail
* A Woman’s Place is in the House… and Senate!
* An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
* Annoy a liberal. Work hard and smile.
* Annoy a politician today. THINK!
* Balance the budget. Declare politicians as game and sell hunting stamps.
* Bomb Texas. They have oil!
* Born free. Taxed to death!
* Bush & Cheney – Kiss My Ashcroft !
* Can you think on your own, or do you need the media to think for you?
* Don’t be stupid. We have politicians for that!
* Don’t Re-Elect a Son of A Bush!
* Don’t steal. The government hates competition!
* Empty the prisons – Make room for Congress.
* Fight organised crime. Abolish the IRS.
* Fighting for Peace is like f*cking for virginity
* Grow your own dope! Plant a politician!
* I’m Too Poor to Vote Republican
* I love my country, but I fear my government
* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* If Democrats and Republicans could read they would be Libertarians.
* If You’re Not Outraged, You’re Not Paying Attention
* Inside every small problem is a big one trying to get government funding.
* Is it too late to get the Russians to nuke Washington?
* The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
* Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today!
* Satan for President – Why pick the lesser of two Evils?
* Re-elect Bush: I’m tired of waiting for the Apocalypse.
* Put politicians in their place =AD Landfills!
* Nothing political is correct.
* Ignore your rights and they’ll go away!
Thanks to: www.digitaldigressions.net for their humour and input.